that's why I wear black

yesterday I met one of my favorite authors from my childhood. Tor Åge Bringsværd. actually, I took his picture. he signed the print.

and yesterday there were also lots and lots of little bitty emergency cases at work to keep me too occupied to finish my journal entry, but today looks better. this far, anyway.

nevertheless I went to watch Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade in 70 mm version last night before I bought some kind of food and headed up to Leon's to watch TV - him and I made up the remainder of the boy gang due to vacations etc.

I should have worked, but I am not made that way... when matters become pressing instead of doing them right away I seem to think that if I close my eyes and pretend they're not there they will go away.

hm. I haven't been very aware of it before as a phenomenon per se, but it's probably a little special:
I talk to myself. not only through this journal, but literally. (I also often sing to myself in the streets. dunno if it's related.) I always did, from when I was a child. small utterances when I am alone, when something moves me. examples: "I'm fucked." "oh, so tired," and most recently, "I'm not fine."

that particular phrase I find myself blurting out every now and then, most often in front of a mirror, as an answer to the unspoken question "how are you?" which I reckon is spoken a lot to me these days. my guesstimate is that it probably hails directly from the subconscious, but I haven't studied the mechanisms of the mind closely enough to tell for sure. has it realized something I haven't? do the people around me see something I don't?

whee. Kjinge called and one of my programmers returned just as I was going to pick up some barbecued trout in the cantina. damn. gotta get some food for the old body sooner or later. yesterday it became later, and that kind of sucked. =P

but I still... haven't found...

...what I looked for, but there's a chance I will, soon. there's a time management book out that I just became aware of, called The Time Trap - originally published in 1972, it's the pioneer tome of time management. could help me not to act in this resigned way anymore.

year8.

I'm on my way home. at least I got myself a meal today. only I had forgotten how much bother it is to negotiate both the cleansing of the fish and the potatoes. grr. small wonder I prefer eating out.