black world

Simon's here now. poor guy felt a bit sick after his journey from Trondheim.

we went to see Dark City at last, with Farmen and Kari.

Simon's an accomplished over-the-shoulder reader, so I'm reluctant to write much.

good night anyways. hope it's getting better tomorrow.

if you ever needed someone...

Callie is not all right.

I thought I had exerted a positive influence on her. I thought she was doing fine now. and tonight after we came home I discovered to my anguish her updated journal. she doesn't think I read it anymore.

I surmise I must have said something to tilt her off. I actually have entertained certain ideas of whatever terrible memories her past has devoured, but apparently I've been way off if I could have hurt her like this. I never ever wished to hurt her, never said any word to her in spite. by some grievous mistake I must have crossed an invisible, undetectable line somewhere during my jesting with her. as to where I am unfortunately left completely in the dark.

what the hell went wrong?

this can't go on. she needs me, but as I'm unable to be there for her all the time because of circumstances outside my control, my absence seems to reinforce her negative feedback loop. no matter what she says about sweet oblivion in the morning, this is intolerable. I will have nothing of it.

the worst thing is that I would certainly have called her tonight if not for Simon's antics. knowing that I lead an active social life and enjoy several female acquaintances does nothing to improve his mood. so I spared him the agony and reinforced hers.

phuck.

calling off the alarm

so I just got off the phone with Cal. she appeared ok after some sleep, but I'm not one to be fooled.

there are indeed oceans of immeasurable depths beneath each of our respective surfaces. torrents of rain whipping waves into fury and raging tempests slashing about might hide tranquil peace and simple existence down under the thermocline. likewise a calm and reflecting surface may yet hide strong, destructive currents running violently through the deeper layers.

Kjinge called me as I was writing this, he wondered about the possibilities for him and Eppen to make a nite on the town and meet up with me. (as long as they get home on their own!) I'll have to drag Simon into that as well, but that should only be good for him. provided he's in better shape now, that is.

just as well, as my mind isn't exactly flooding with ideas of what to do together tonight. oops. the wine lottery's about to start. I only had spare change for one ticket. I wish me luck. :-)

most of the time I like it here

hooray. weekend.

going home in a minute, Simon probably has bored himself there for some time already. I'll call myself up to see if he's there(why can't he carry a cheap ass mobile just for this trip?) and I still need to buy food this month. ok, home first. we'll see.

still don't know anything more about what happens tonight.