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the next time I create the universe...
Jan. 18th, 2002 09:12 pmI don't know what I've been doing.
no idea what I've been up to.
my existence seems to fade away. taking what's left of happy old me with it.
having difficulties with enjoying things. need some prescribed dose of alcohol to manage that. some reason why I seem to just let my surroundings flow past me. not bothering to participate.
I miss my old me. miss the days of summer, when everybody seemed to call me.
and here I sit, utterly devoid of any kind of initiative. visiting Callie for days on end, the most productive action on my part being playing Zelda V on her N64.
actually, that's not true. been snooping through their little collection of esoteria for research purposes as well.
agh. since I lost my mobile I've let myself become isolated. at least BadCop has been understanding, invited me home with him last week. and Vixen has called me as well, wanting to share a beer and gossip. after work.
"work".
don't wanna think about that, it depresses me.
but when I've not been home for 4 weekdays, forgetting the damn mobile charger while I'm at it, I seem to lose touch without realizing it. not only disconnected, but disaffected.
Sis was worried on the phone tonight, not having been in contact with me for 14 days. she's turning 20 tomorrow. I seem to remember having a wonderful gift idea, but it escaped me. damn.
so when I've been home I've been reading (Harry Potter, The Poor Bastard (by Joe Matt), and The Constant Gardener by John Le Carré. and The Books of Magic, which BadCop kindly lent me.), sleeping, and playing through the Brood War campaign for nights on end again.
*light up cig*
...and smoking lots of cigarettes.
not having it in me to update my LJ or do much actual job browsing. I belive "pouring out in the sand" is an appropriate allegory here.
the bubous, incapsulated acne on my cheek has manifested itself as a persistensis rather than a vulgaris. should see some clinic, in case somebody can cut it out for me.
oh, and I actually went to Lille last night to watch El Caco play at the new, relocated Martin's. but Kjinge and Eppen was in town at some gig here instead, Eppen's former flatmate informed me. saw them play a handful of songs, then caught the train home again.
should go to the Inferno kick-off tonite. Callie's coming later. see if I can do something about the filth on the floor until then.
dammit, it's too early to feel this distance to the world at my age. and I'm not producing anything either. need to change habits. RSN.
no idea what I've been up to.
my existence seems to fade away. taking what's left of happy old me with it.
having difficulties with enjoying things. need some prescribed dose of alcohol to manage that. some reason why I seem to just let my surroundings flow past me. not bothering to participate.
I miss my old me. miss the days of summer, when everybody seemed to call me.
and here I sit, utterly devoid of any kind of initiative. visiting Callie for days on end, the most productive action on my part being playing Zelda V on her N64.
actually, that's not true. been snooping through their little collection of esoteria for research purposes as well.
agh. since I lost my mobile I've let myself become isolated. at least BadCop has been understanding, invited me home with him last week. and Vixen has called me as well, wanting to share a beer and gossip. after work.
"work".
don't wanna think about that, it depresses me.
but when I've not been home for 4 weekdays, forgetting the damn mobile charger while I'm at it, I seem to lose touch without realizing it. not only disconnected, but disaffected.
Sis was worried on the phone tonight, not having been in contact with me for 14 days. she's turning 20 tomorrow. I seem to remember having a wonderful gift idea, but it escaped me. damn.
so when I've been home I've been reading (Harry Potter, The Poor Bastard (by Joe Matt), and The Constant Gardener by John Le Carré. and The Books of Magic, which BadCop kindly lent me.), sleeping, and playing through the Brood War campaign for nights on end again.
*light up cig*
...and smoking lots of cigarettes.
not having it in me to update my LJ or do much actual job browsing. I belive "pouring out in the sand" is an appropriate allegory here.
the bubous, incapsulated acne on my cheek has manifested itself as a persistensis rather than a vulgaris. should see some clinic, in case somebody can cut it out for me.
oh, and I actually went to Lille last night to watch El Caco play at the new, relocated Martin's. but Kjinge and Eppen was in town at some gig here instead, Eppen's former flatmate informed me. saw them play a handful of songs, then caught the train home again.
should go to the Inferno kick-off tonite. Callie's coming later. see if I can do something about the filth on the floor until then.
dammit, it's too early to feel this distance to the world at my age. and I'm not producing anything either. need to change habits. RSN.
