mention this to me... mention something, mention.... anything.

and so I finally 'fess up.

I'm probably in love.

not wishing for it, not believing it, not realizing it...
but still wanting it to happen.

this is all very awkward.

if I were 100% sober, I'd probably have rationalized it away, as is my habit. but there's too many pieces of evidence pointing that way.

do I want this to go on?

yes.

do I see a future in this?

not sure.

do I relish in the moment and let it flow, like Ole told me to?

oh yes.

months have passed. the feelings still grow stronger, day by gods damned day. it's too hard to resist now. too hard to withstand. I succumb to my emotions and am weaker for it.

but ohh, it feels so good. albeit in a sadder way than I'd have wished for. uncertainty, on the logical level, can be a very uncomfortable emotion to deal with. but:

Embrace this moment, remember:
We are eternal, all this pain is an illusion

-- Maynard James Keenan, Parabola

coolio

there's gonna be a feature article in tomorrow's morning edition concerning web logs. seems like they'll probably be using something like "The Bloggers Are Coming" for a title, referencing corporate LJ competitor BLOGGER. wonder if any of the LJ users I know of will be interviewed.

decision taken

I'll make my LJ account a paid one after reading this:

LJ, free users, abuse: a request for discussion

I had no idea about the new invitation code system, even if it's only temporary. and LJ deserves my money. and I can afford it. three months of freebie leechin' ain't bad for a shareware service anyway, especially not one as good as this one.

never ceasing to amaze...

at the age of four, I told Mother that I didn't believe in God. she became very upset.

still I used to find Bible history and ethics discussions very interesting higher up in the grades (as was my wont with most classes or subjects). I have to admit I found the apocalyptic and death inspired themes disturbing, at times. but then I was a highly imaginative boy as well.

no wonder I love Pratchett & Gaiman.

and so I discovered this little treasure trove today. and I wanted to share it with you, in the spirit of the season. the section on music is particularly inspiring, but the Halloween sections are very extensive as well.

I'm grateful that I can modestly boast of having a flair for logic. and Father outfitted me with a version of Carl Sagan's Baloney Detection Kit at an early age.

as I cordially dislike censorship in all its manifestations, and always have (to borrow a phrase from the Prof.), it wouldn't do not to include some criticism after reading the admittedly gloomy texts above.

on another, slightly related note, my recommendations on Amazon.com have been acting up ever since I bought Lucifer Rising there this spring.

heh, funny.