Fritz Lang was wrong - life in the city is cool!

this Saturday has had a distinct Sundayish feel to it. we went out last night as planned. in addition to myself, Kjinge, Farmen, Callie, Chris, Magnoose, Zathyra, Arcticon, BadCop, the Marquis, Kari, Korova, Øyvind, and not least our dear Lorien. at last. she looked really good. it felt so good (perhaps correspondingly :-) ) to see her. I said to her that I expect her to someday become something big. that lady definitely has potential.

I dearly hope she and Callie get things sorted out soon.

events led me to turn in early, after a pretty great party all in all. it sure feels good to be surrounded by one's friends and know that one is appreciated. Chris, Magnoose, Kjinge, Farmen, and Callie slept over. my couch is getting seriously worn. I wish I had more energy to keep my guests company in the morning. or at least keep them fed. :-P (what do they expect anyway? do I look like an expert feeder?) Chris threatened to come around with washing utensils the next time. that's a great hint. now is the time to clean up around here. or rather, tomorrow. (mañana, mañana)

Callie had certain issues on which she almost demanded to get answers from me. finite, no-going-back answers. I had to stall it, because I do need time. and she seemed to have been the victim of some kind of misunderstanding somewhere during the evening, which made her turn sour on me. apparently she had observed me in the wrong company. that's something I don't think I'm able to cope with. package solution or no, I'm just not up to handling it.

and there were other couples there with similar problems... I do understand the concern on the part of the 'scorned,' so to speak, but when I become part of it all there comes a point when I just don't know what more I can do. I just want people to be happy. but I'm not about to sacrifice friendships on the altar of unselfishness, either.

sleeping is sound... and spending a Saturday mostly in the sheets ain't bad either. I should have worked on some stuff, but couldn't find the energy. everybody needs a little bit of recharging sometimes.

so after originally having decided to stay calm tonight (and Callie going home just because of that), I didn't. after some more consideration, or enhanced affinity for impulsive action, if you will, I actually headed up to Janilla's where several more of my old college friends were gathered. even Helga, who looked very pleased to see me.

and after midnite I'm proud to say that I convinced them to attend the synth party in Schweig.gt. that was simply a bunch of fun. Maria, Cecilia, Lise, and BadCop were there along with many many other Gotham people. still, I went out after only an hour to seek out Farmen, Veronica, Marianne, Baetylos, Øyvind, and Lorien. disappointment when I was unable to locate them. I hate it when my mobile runs out of battery.

things to remember: Lorien said last night that she had spoken with another guy about our rehearsal location - it seems very conveniently situated, and Lorien claimed it's pretty large. I should get in touch with that fellow ASAP.

and Camilla told me she had always viewed me as someone special, that I would forever occupy a place in her heart. well, that's heartening, and I'm sure Jan doesn't mind after having been her boyfriend for four years. but she's special too. told me I was always so positive. well, I should be, life is very generous to me these days.

as for what the future could bring... I don't know. I'm not discontent with my contentedness, so to speak, and so I don't put a lot of effort into how I could make things better career-wise, for instance... and yet I have always ranked the fear of stagnation very highly on my list of things to be avoided. I'm not ready for large upheavals in my life right now... not the way I was last year, all culminating in the Cass business this winter. that could of course change again, but I'm not sure if the time has grown ripe yet.

my god, what a mess. still I remain positive. don't you just hate people like that? :-)