some things come and go

so I went home after work only to turn on the doorstep and head out again. Kari wanted to return my copy of "And The Ass Saw The Angel." she liked it. she should, it's very well written. after eating baguettes and drinking chocolate we ended up at my place, reading some more comics etc. I left her on my couch as I was going for my boy's club night. when I returned she was fast asleep, but she didn't seem to be sleeping very well, whimpering and sighing in her sleep. I wonder about the cause, but there was little I could do to soothe her.

the Marquis and Mortis arrived soon thereafter, and the four of us watched Futurama together, 'cept Mortis went to catch a train early on.

Kari had previously told me how confused she was about this whole business. I am of the opinion that she should hold on to what she's got (to reference Bon Jovi, bless them), even if the rumors she has heard (I've heard them too) are true. which they may or may not be. regardless, it is comforting for me to know that my lap remains a comfortable space for my friends.

(I have no plans of wrestling Kari out of the Marquis's grip. I like the Marquis, he's smart, talented, and cool. but I'm not sure which way their relationship is heading right now. there is far too much suspicion and jealousy involved. not least on Callie's part. besides, it's just not me.)

went to Møller's afterwards, met Rex, Baetylos, and Farmen. seems like the rehearsal location could be shared with Rex's other band. made some plans for the weekend.

it's been a long time since I've seen any members of my family. shame. but my present circle of friends seem to occupy a whole lot of time. I really enjoy their company. so I count myself among the luckier citizens of this city.

expensive it is, though. taxing my resources financially and emotionally. still, I am fully prepared to take any chances and risks surrounding these personal and social investments. we constantly fall in and out of love, but friendships should be built upon rock solid foundations.

maybe I should call Bast soon, just to add to my confusion. my ex reported today that she's written me a letter. I really appreciate that. but has she not moved on completely yet? I know she has WRT BadCop, but still... me? leaving a lasting impression?

I can't voluntarily break the relationship I share with Callie either. things have been very complicated for me this summer. and still I do enjoy it.

I love life so much.

and the music plays on as the bride passes by

sssh...

BadCop called me and asked for my company later tonight. I do not plan on going out yet another night, but I like BadCop a lot. resourceful guy, that one. let's see if I actually can humble myself and stay sober for the sake of one night. or maybe I'll do that some other time.

don't know, I felt like shit this morning, my diurnal rythm just never seems to catch up with the sun. I thought, "just let me sleep a little more..." and things don't seem likely to improve anytime soon. what have I eaten today? two bars of mentos, two cinnamon wafers, a banana and strawberry milk. and generous helpings of coffee. when the desk editor, still on her vacation, stated she should be glad I actually get food at all I realized I should eat more regularly.

at least I keep any pot belly tendencies at bay this way. heh.

don't know what to do about this situation... it all seems very, ah, self-assuring for me when I'm with Callie, for instance. but as soon as she's gone I start feeling less secure of what I should make of it.

at the same time I'm no more capable of breaking anyone's heart than I am of, say, marriage. I hate having to make anybody miserable. that's why I'm GoodCop.

I'm going home for a shower now. BadCop should be coming around in half an hour. I've spent most of the day with this journal entry open.

great, now both instances of IExplode crashed on me. if that ain't a good note to leave on, I never saw one. :-)